Perhaps you have been told how much of a bad communicator you are, one who cannot make a full-length sentence without stuttering; you are known to be a warrior in the art of worrying, or you are battling with surges of impatience that make you run when you should walk.
Most recently, you have summed up your life’s story as one written from the library of low self-esteem: you detest how you cannot glance at yourself twice in a mirror coupled with the endless somersaults that take place in your belly when asked to make a simple speech before a small group of people.
In fact, there is nothing special about you that someone else should admire. You wished you were someone else in attitude, conduct, and character.
Having a hatred for something about yourself can be an aspect of self-hate or self-loathing, in that you do not totally hate yourself as a person; there is a specificity to what you dislike in yourself.
Most of the time, what we loathe in others could be a mirror of what we dislike in ourselves. For example, when a parent fails to praise his child for doing well, the child tends to see himself as being not praiseworthy, even as he detests his parent for not seeing him as worthy of parental approval.
The perception of others about you can affect one’s tendency toward hatred of self. Let it be known that it is possible to have a dislike for a character because you have magnified it through the eyes of society and people’s expectations.
In this blog post, we’ll be sharing with you how to change whatever you don’t like about yourself.
- Earmark that imperfection you need to make perfect
Maybe you are a chronic smoker who desires to quit once and for all. You always party yourself into being in debt. There is something about you that cherishes being late for work or meetings and you silently wish to die a natural death.
You are short or troubled by your saggy breasts. Whatever the imperfection or issue, it is important you write it out after a careful self-scrutiny.
At this stage, you are permitted to write out as many things as possible that need to be corrected in you.
Minds that are unprepared for change could entertain excuses and complaints without consciously extracting from the full package, the unneedful in them.
Sit down; think through the components of yourself that trigger justified anger in you.
2. Ask yourself sincere and blunt questions
With respect to one, two, or a hundred imperfections that you have listed out, and which make you detest yourself, intently look at the sheet of paper, and ask yourself questions nobody else but you can do, without getting offended:
- Am I overreacting concerning my human nature?
- If I am truly not happy with these imperfections, when did I start hating myself for having them?
- What or who has the ability to make me notice any of these imperfections?
- Can I control that event or person’s influence over my life?
- Are all these imperfections changeable? Is it possible they can be worked on?
- My physical appearance does not make me confident. Do I need to admire myself more or have a complete change of wardrobe or fashion sense?
- About the things, I cannot handle alone. Am I comfortable sharing them with a trusted friend or a professional counselor?
- After working on these imperfections, will I be happier? Am I making the effort to please somebody instead of myself to start with?
There is no need to rush through the questions; in fact, there are more questions that could follow from one question.
It could take you days, weeks, or even months to properly separate your imagination from your reality as you unearth likely factors that surround or affect your perception of who you are worth.
3. Get working
Your answers in stage 2 are not strictly yes or no answers. They are in different shades of yes, no, maybe, obviously, etc.
They are catalysts that speed up the quest to find out more and do something worthwhile about your findings.
For instance, if the answer to “Can I control that event or person’s influence over my life?” is “Yes!” after carefully thinking it through, you have to back it up with actions.
Obviously, you need to start avoiding that gathering where you feel much disgust about how you look or what you have achieved.
That family member, friend, or colleague whose words or actions add up to face you harshly while they glow wantonly for making you feel miserable has to vacate your life’s space.
Since you can control their influence over your life, why give them another second to reign over you?
- Remember, you have some goodness in you
One thing very significant about negativity is its potency in preventing a person from seeing anything good about himself. The obsession with imperfection is very real, so real that nothing else will matter but the flaws.
Take a break from thinking through what you can or cannot change about yourself. Make a reverse down to the other lane where positivity dwells. Think of the good things you are or you have ever done in the past for others.
Even when you don’t know, people are gaining inspiration from you. Fixing your eyes on yourself without looking around to embrace the gift of humanity will make it nearly impossible to appreciate the good qualities in you.
Your talents are worth appreciating. Dwell on the thoughts of your accomplishments, no matter how comparatively little they are. If you think you have not made any impact on people’s lives, you can start unveiling your goodness through volunteering, donating monies, clothes, and books to the needy, etc.
Defend the defenseless, stand for the truth, and treat people right, and your confidence is bound to skyrocket as people commend your work.
- Affirm yourself daily
Every day is your day. On a good day, on a bad day; in sickness, in health; in poverty, in riches, life itself is a gift. To overcome self-hate, validate yourself on a daily basis.
Develop a mantra to recite to yourself every morning when you wake up from sleep and every night before you go to bed.
Learn to tune off voices that say things contrary to what you have told yourself you are. Occupy yourself with songs, books, and write-ups that bear messages which boost your self-confidence.
Record every progress attained on your journey to self-love. Discover the pattern your life takes when you take certain decisions that are different from what you are used to.
Desist from self-derogatory words like, “I am stupid!”, “I hate my life.”, I suck at this job.” Rather, tell yourself how wonderful you are, how much you love your life, and how you are good at a job.
You may not feel it, but telling yourself beautiful things eventually yields a healthy perception of who you are; bad days won’t be able to dictate your state of mind for you.
It is not an easy journey to make; there would be days you are bound to forget that you should speak wonderful words lovingly to yourself.
However, consciously sticking to the initial plan of being more in your thoughts than in your feelings will keep you from not giving up on yourself.
It is possible to be the best of you, flaws and all.